Lost and Found – Angel Mason

I AM a little girl playing with my dolls in my room; watching cartoons on Saturday.
I WONDER who will be in my class this year and what new things I will learn; Math is my favorite subject.
Mommy says she is so proud and I am so smart.
I HEAR my name called by my friends as we go out to play on the playground at recess. Hide and seek is what we always play.
I SEE my mom holding my little brother as I am getting off the bus.
Glad he is home from the hospital.
I WANT to sleep with you tonight Mommy; I am scared of the dark.
David is who scares me; nobody will believe you if you tell.
I AM a child dreaming of playing outside; while he lays next to me.
What will it be tonight?
Alone and scared.

What did I do wrong?
Why does God let people hurt me; why does he let them do the things they do? GOD DO YOU REALLY EVEN EXIST!!!!!!!!
HELP ME IF YOU DO!
But no help comes, so I guess I will do it all on my own.

I PRETEND I am happy; that the pain doesn’t exist.
I am alone; shame and guilt.
I FEEL the pinch of the needle and now there is nothing.
Numb and emotionless.
I TOUCH the spoon, flick the BIC, and feel the heat of the flames as it heats what sits on the spoon.
Help is on the way; just let me tie off.
I WATCH, but cannot move; paralyzed.
I cannot scream as they have their way with me.
I did not consent.

Pray my children don’t see.
I CRY for the pain I am causing my family; the tears and sleepless nights are because of me.
I AM helpless and hopeless; destined for the unmarked shallow grave.
Jane Doe.

Another overdose and Narcan again; when will it end. Homeless and hungry.
Nobody remembers me; just a shadow in the street lights. An addict with an incurable disease.

I UNDERSTAND things get harder before they get better; but things really do get better. I SAY I am living a better life; sober and clean life.
I DREAM of things that never existed but are within reach.
Helping others just like me.

I TRY so hard to show I have changed; gain the trust I once lost.
I HOPE the phone call is answered today; “Dad it’s me, I, OK. Your daughter isn’t a junkie no more. Can you please just be proud?”

I AM a mother, daughter, sister, lover, and friend.
I AM a better version of myself; proof that God does exist.
I AM a Recovery Warrior, a Sex Trafficking Survivor; never again to be pulled to the pits of hell.
I AM a voice that will not go unheard again.
I AM A GRATEFUL RECOVERING ADDICT!